‘So Sarai, Abram’s wife, took Hagar the Egyptian servant and gave her to Abram as a wife. (This happened ten years after Abram had settled in the land of Canaan.) So Abram had sexual relations with Hagar, and she became pregnant. But when Hagar knew she was pregnant, she began to treat her mistress, Sarai, with contempt. Then Sarai said to Abram, “This is all your fault! I put my servant into your arms, but now that she’s pregnant she treats me with contempt. The Lord will show who’s wrong—you or me!” Abram replied, “Look, she is your servant, so deal with her as you see fit.” Then Sarai treated Hagar so harshly that she finally ran away. The angel of the Lord found Hagar beside a spring of water in the wilderness, along the road to Shur. The angel said to her, “Hagar, Sarai’s servant, where have you come from, and where are you going?” “I’m running away from my mistress, Sarai,” she replied. The angel of the Lord said to her, “Return to your mistress, and submit to her authority.” Then he added, “I will give you more descendants than you can count.” And the angel also said, “You are now pregnant and will give birth to a son. You are to name him Ishmael (which means ‘God hears’), for the Lord has heard your cry of distress. This son of yours will be a wild man, as untamed as a wild donkey! He will raise his fist against everyone, and everyone will be against him. Yes, he will live in open hostility against all his relatives.” Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord , who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” She also said, “Have I truly seen the One who sees me?” So that well was named Beer-lahai-roi (which means “well of the Living One who sees me”). It can still be found between Kadesh and Bered. So Hagar gave Abram a son, and Abram named him Ishmael. ‘ Genesis 16:3-15(NLT)
‘When Isaac grew up and was about to be weaned, Abraham prepared a huge feast to celebrate the occasion. But Sarah saw Ishmael—the son of Abraham and her Egyptian servant Hagar—making fun of her son, Isaac. So she turned to Abraham and demanded, “Get rid of that slave woman and her son. He is not going to share the inheritance with my son, Isaac. I won’t have it!” This upset Abraham very much because Ishmael was his son. But God told Abraham, “Do not be upset over the boy and your servant. Do whatever Sarah tells you, for Isaac is the son through whom your descendants will be counted. But I will also make a nation of the descendants of Hagar’s son because he is your son, too.” So Abraham got up early the next morning, prepared food and a container of water, and strapped them on Hagar’s shoulders. Then he sent her away with their son, and she wandered aimlessly in the wilderness of Beersheba. When the water was gone, she put the boy in the shade of a bush. Then she went and sat down by herself about a hundred yards away. “I don’t want to watch the boy die,” she said, as she burst into tears. But God heard the boy crying, and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, “Hagar, what’s wrong? Do not be afraid! God has heard the boy crying as he lies there. Go to him and comfort him, for I will make a great nation from his descendants.” Then God opened Hagar’s eyes, and she saw a well full of water. She quickly filled her water container and gave the boy a drink. And God was with the boy as he grew up in the wilderness. He became a skillful archer, ‘ Genesis 21:8-20(NLT)
“Well isn’t he a little devil child?”
The audiology technician was checking my almost 2 year old’s ears after healing from his ear-tube surgery some time before. My son was not cooperating. It was a nightmare. And that’s when she said it–that little phrase with a short chuckle as if I would, of course, agree with her.
I felt them, all of the emotions: rage, hurt, shock, shame. And the only reaction I could muster, that didn’t result in violence, was a short, “cough.”
In her frustration of being kept from doing her job, she didn’t see us.
She didn’t see on his chart that he had faced four surgeries that year and had two more to go. She didn’t see that he was on five different steroids and medications. She didn’t see a little boy that was tired of being poked and prodded by strangers. She didn’t see a mom who was petrified every time a doctor walked in the room after a test, not knowing what he would say. I didn’t choose this for my child. My child didn’t choose his health issues either. And in that moment we were both blindsided by someone who clearly didn’t see us.
In the book of Genesis (ch.16) there is a story of a servant who felt the same way. Hagar felt invisible. She did not choose motherhood. It was chosen for her. Sarai was sick of waiting on God’s promise for a child, so she gave her servant Hagar to Abraham so that he may have an heir. Hagar conceived and was mistreated by the jealous Sarai, so she ran away. An Angel of the Lord came to her with comfort and a promise. When everyone else saw an expendable woman, God saw a precious mother. Hagar then became the only one to give God a name. He is the “God Who Sees.” When she was invisible, a servant and outsider, God saw her and showed her kindness, even when those responsible for her did not.
Often when women are struggling in motherhood, outsiders respond with, “well she made the wrong choice. She should have done _____________.” Motherhood can not be put into a perfect cube-shaped box with a bow. It’s full of jagged corners and swervy lines. We should honor those rounded edges and soft spots with our words. See motherhood for what it is…messy.
To the woman who got pregnant before she “planned.” To the woman who is facing years of surgeries, medical bills, and therapy or IEPs. To the woman who found a double line 6 weeks after having a baby. To the step-mom navigating co-parenting. To the woman who is raising 3 kids by herself. To the woman who just got all of her kids out of the house just to see them come back during a global pandemic, God says “I see you.” God is a God who not only sees, but provides when motherhood becomes a minefield of choices. Today we honor those women who decide to choose motherhood even though it isn’t the easy or glamorous or even the planned route.
Prayer:
Lord, please open our eyes to women who need us. Give us your grace, and your strength when we are faced with difficult choices in motherhood. Remind us that who we are in you is more important than the thoughts and views of others. Bless the women who are facing difficult choices with peace, understanding and confidence. Amen.
from I See You, Mom