‘To illustrate the point further, Jesus told them this story: “A man had two sons. The younger son told his father, ‘I want my share of your estate now before you die.’ So his father agreed to divide his wealth between his sons. “A few days later this younger son packed all his belongings and moved to a distant land, and there he wasted all his money in wild living. About the time his money ran out, a great famine swept over the land, and he began to starve. He persuaded a local farmer to hire him, and the man sent him into his fields to feed the pigs. The young man became so hungry that even the pods he was feeding the pigs looked good to him. But no one gave him anything. “When he finally came to his senses, he said to himself, ‘At home even the hired servants have food enough to spare, and here I am dying of hunger! I will go home to my father and say, “Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son. Please take me on as a hired servant.”’ “So he returned home to his father. And while he was still a long way off, his father saw him coming. Filled with love and compassion, he ran to his son, embraced him, and kissed him. His son said to him, ‘Father, I have sinned against both heaven and you, and I am no longer worthy of being called your son.’ “But his father said to the servants, ‘Quick! Bring the finest robe in the house and put it on him. Get a ring for his finger and sandals for his feet. And kill the calf we have been fattening. We must celebrate with a feast, for this son of mine was dead and has now returned to life. He was lost, but now he is found.’ So the party began. “Meanwhile, the older son was in the fields working. When he returned home, he heard music and dancing in the house, and he asked one of the servants what was going on. ‘Your brother is back,’ he was told, ‘and your father has killed the fattened calf. We are celebrating because of his safe return.’ “The older brother was angry and wouldn’t go in. His father came out and begged him, but he replied, ‘All these years I’ve slaved for you and never once refused to do a single thing you told me to. And in all that time you never gave me even one young goat for a feast with my friends. Yet when this son of yours comes back after squandering your money on prostitutes, you celebrate by killing the fattened calf!’ “His father said to him, ‘Look, dear son, you have always stayed by me, and everything I have is yours. We had to celebrate this happy day. For your brother was dead and has come back to life! He was lost, but now he is found!’”’ Luke 15:11-32(NLT)
“You (doubt) fly circles around my head, while I sit on the edge of my bed. I cry out ‘What have I done again?’ it’s hard not to hate who I am.” – Andy Mineo, “Shame” (off of II: The Arrow)
Life has a way of humbling us through an inescapable event that we must all face: failure. Failing, or the fear of failing, is often the source of our self-doubt.
When I fail in my pursuits and goals, it is so easy to doubt myself and my abilities. When I fail to be obedient to God, it is hard not to doubt that I am loved.
But God initiates a relationship with us fully aware of our flaws. He asks us to follow him even knowing we will fail Him.
One day my brother asked me, “Do you think God can really forgive us after all the mistakes we’ve made? I don’t get why He would continue to love us.” My brother has two daughters, my nieces. I asked him, “Mark, if your daughters grew up and went into the world and made a mess of their lives, disobeyed what you taught them, and did things that broke your heart and hurt you—would you ever stop loving them? Would you ever stop being their father?” He told me “Of course not! No matter what they did, I would love them. They’re my children!” This is the story of the prodigal son!
I pray that we would more often see ourselves the way God sees us—valuable and loved—before we do anything right and even after we mess it all up! As children of a patient and loving father.
Failure is an event—not an identity.
Our self-doubt can be crippling. The remedy is not to convince ourselves of our own greatness. The remedy is seeing that God is so great, our flaws and failures cannot outweigh His power and love.
Prayer: God, may failure never cause me to doubt my ability, but teach me where I must grow. And may my failure in obedience never cause me to doubt Your love for me, but remind me how great it really is. Amen.
from Living With Doubt by Andy Mineo